If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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