dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
