it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
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i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is Oprah even human
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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