I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize