you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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