Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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