The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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