You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
