I wish my penis had an off switch
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
