He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
