I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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