Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
