I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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