dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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