Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
