Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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