Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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