you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Are my feet made of real feet?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home