We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.