Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
