peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
