Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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