If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize