Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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