Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
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SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
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