Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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