how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
