i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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