i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
