You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize
