Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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