The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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