I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
