i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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