Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
