So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
