i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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