I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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