OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
