I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
