i just made my gag reflex go away.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So much rum. So many feels.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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