and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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