girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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