So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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