I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
