you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
