just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
