Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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