I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
