Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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