She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
