3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
