i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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