what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
