During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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