i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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