I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
