I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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