Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
