Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
