what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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