you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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