Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
