Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
