I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
