drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
