my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
