Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
