he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
