We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
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Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
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Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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