your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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