just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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