i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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