we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
